Arrrgh.

This has been one of the more annoying days I've had since I went on leave 5 months ago.  I feel like I normally feel after an aggravating day at work.  I'll try not to bore you with every detail, but here's a synopsis:
1) I lost my internet connection and spent 2 hours with Time Warner Cable and various other tech helplines to fix the issues
2) My printer stopped working because it couldn't connect to my computer through the internet
3) I started spotting and cramping so I think AF is coming tomorrow (3 days early, off of an already short cycle - weird!)
4) Realizing that tomorrow might be Day 1 and therefore Sunday would be Day 3, I started calling around to labs to see where I could get my Day 3 bloods drawn & separated per C.CRM's instructions.  NO ONE would do it - not LabCorp, Qwest, Manhattan Labs, 2 hospitals.  They were either closed on Sunday or would not do the blood processing if they weren't being paid to perform the tests themselves.  I eventually called up one of the nice nurses at my old clinic and begged, and she was kind enough to get me set up there.
5) Also realized that if tomorrow is Day 1 that my HSG is now scheduled outside the normal Day 5 - Day 10 day window they give you.  It's now going to be on Day 11.  I hardly think that matters, but C.CRM might not agree.
6) Was supposed to get my Chem22 and testosterone checked today but with all that was going on I missed the window.  Also couldn't print out my orders because my printer wasn't working!
7) Called my C.CRM nurse to discuss all of the above and had an alarming conversation where it seemed like she was not at all on top of the details of my protocol.  This is the 4th or 5th time I've had a conversation like this and I'm getting kinda concerned.

Out of all of the above, the thing that bothers me most is #6.  I have probably corrected my nurse (very nicely and courteously) on things she has gotten wrong 10 times in the last few weeks - and these are important things, like which protocol I am on!   Because I keep questioning things, she has gone back 4 or 5 times to clarify things with Dr S and every time she comes back I have been right and she was wrong.  This is getting me scared - I shouldn't be correcting her, she should be correcting me, right?

Tonight she got confused about when I'm supposed to start estrace - Day 1 or Day 3.  She originally said Day 3 and then today she said start it tomorrow.  I then asked if she was sure - wouldn't taking it Day 1 mess up my Day 3 blood test where they test for E2?  She said no, but then went back and read the notes and realized that Dr S had said to take it on the evening of Day 3.  I could tell she was kind of embarrassed and she said "This is what happens when you start the cycle before all of the testing is done (ie, making the decision to prime on the same month I'm drawing Day 3 bloods).  But as long as you're okay with it, I guess we can move ahead."

Okay with what?  I'm definitely not okay with my cycle getting screwed up!  If I thought that cycling in November would compromise the quality of my treatment in any way I would never have asked to do it - who would?  But they cleared me to go ahead so I am making the assumption that my care won't suffer as a result.  I think that should go without saying.

I meant to call her back to clarify that directly with her, but she left before we could speak.  I want to have that conversation directly though - it's important to me that she knows that I am not willing to rush things and have something go wrong with my protocol as a result.  Hopefully I will actually get in touch with her tomorrow (that's the other thing, no matter how many times I call I never hear back from her until 6:30pm EST time, which is really late!)  Has anyone else experienced these issues or is it just me?  I wonder if they are a little overwhelmed right now because they've grown to quickly.

Don't mean to whine & complain too much, I just had to vent some frustration.  I feel better now (exhale).

Here's hoping for smoother sailing tomorrow.

Making Progress

Have been slowly and steadily knocking things off the C.CRM to do list as the next cycle approaches.  Had my annual physical on Friday with a new ob/gyn in the neighborhood.  Probably not someone I'd stay with if I got pregnant because it's a small clinic, but she was very nice and gave me everything I needed.  One nice thing about the visit was that she kept saying the phrase "when you get pregnant..." to me.  Although she has no idea how difficult that may be for me, it was still nice to hear someone (a doctor no less) taking that outcome for granted!

I have my mammogram appointment tomorrow and will then have to get a Chem22 panel and my testosterone checked prior to starting priming.  I spoke to my nurse today to review my protocol and I am slightly daunted by the sheer volume of medications I will be putting into my body in the next 2 months.  I mean, I've done this twice before but I am adding 4 to 5 new medications on top of the usual heap.  I hope I don't become a raving lunatic!  The Clomid in particular scares me - I had very bad side effects with that, worse than any IVF drug gave me.

My husband is flying out to CO tomorrow night to get his testing done - basically just a sperm sample and blood test, in and out.  He looked at his schedule and said - so I have to fly all the way out there just to &*#& into a cup?  To which I responded - cry me a river dude, try being me!  However, he's going to have to deal with a psychopath whacked out on too many hormones soon enough - so things will even out.  Poor guy, I feel bad for him already.  Thank goodness he's a rock and nothing phases him too much.

I realized today that with the way my dates are falling, I'm almost certainly going to be in Denver over Thanksgiving.  Will be one of my most memorable holidays yet - ha.  The only thing I'm nervous about is fielding phone calls from family members while pretending to be in New York.  We've decided to keep this cycle completely quiet (I learned my lesson from the first two, it's better to tell people news when you're ready as opposed to feeling pressure to update them).  So it's shaping up to be an interesting Turkey day, to say the least....

Just want to close by sending best wishes to fellow C.CRMers turtlemama and 73goldie - they are both pregnant and I am thrilled for them and have my fingers crossed that everything continues to go well.  And I hope all the rest of us who are waiting in the wings have as much success - goodness knows we could all use a break!

A Walk in the Park

Last night was so beautiful that I decided to go for a sunset walk along the waterfront in Lower Manhattan.  Bloomberg has done a fantastic job of building out these waterfront parks - I think they'll be one of his most lasting legacies as mayor.

I took some pictures, just for fun.  These are crappy iPhone pics and don't capture it completely, but you get the idea:

 Sunset across the Hudson.

Football practice with a bunch of totally adorable mini-footballers dressed in full regalia.

Another shot of footballers with an autumn moon.

I love this one - this guy was fishing off the pier and had just caught a fish (that little blob on the ground).

Beach volleyball game (yes, in Manhattan!)

The mini-golf course.

Mind you, all of this is crammed into a single pier that juts out into the Hudson.  Within that space they've managed to put a skating rink, a children's playground and waterpark, a mini-golf course, 3 beach volleyball courts, an astroturf field (which had one adult soccer game and the mini-football game going on simultaneously), and an area for lounging and looking at the water.  Talk about space efficiency.

Every time I go for a walk here I always have the same thought: that *if* I am ever able to have children, this will be a place we come often.  For walks with the stroller.  To the playground.  For skating or minigolf when he or she is older.  

So for now, this is a place I go to dream.  But maybe one day...  

False Alarm

So after much digging, googling, and tracking down of various people I managed to uncover that any FSA we could do through H's plan is likely to be negligible (I won't bore you with all of the details, except to say that with the amount of time I've spent on this stuff recently I am now practically bosom buddies with the guy who handles insurance for H's company - he sent me a note Friday asking how Colorado went!  Sad, but kinda funny.)  It is of course a bummer that we can't save thousands of $$ on the IVF, but it does makes the ultimate decision easier.

November it is!

THANK you ladies for all of your advice/comments - it is so nice to be in good company while navigating this hellhole.  And now I'm slightly embarrassed for posting 3 times in 2 days, so I'm going to quietly disappear now for a decent interval (or at least 24 hours!)

A Reversal

So I just got a mail from CCRM saying that I was cleared to cycle in November!  Great news, except now I have a dilemma.  I just realized that we could allocate money to my husband's FSA next year for these treatments and do them tax free - that is significant savings.   If we do 2 cycles, it might save us as much as $16,000.  So by cycling in November I would be missing out on $7 - $8k worth of savings from this.

Ugh, now I don't know what to do.  I am torn because I know that cycles can get postponed due to other factors (a cyst, poor response, etc) and therefore I think you need to take opportunities when you can, because you never know what can happen.  On the other hand, $7 - $8k is a lot of money!

Help!

Meh

An unfortunate update.  My nurse called me back and I started asking her some of the questions I had about estrogen/testosterone priming and when we would need to begin.  In the process, we uncovered that in fact I can't actually cycle in November because in order to do that I would have to have my Day 3 blood work and HSG done before my next cycle begins.  Since I'm already on Day 12 of this cycle, that's clearly impossible.

We might be able to get away with not doing the HSG yet since I only need that pre-transfer, but definitely not the day 3 bloodwork.  Argh.  

I asked her to check with Dr. S just in case he was okay with assigning a priming protocol w/out day 3 bloodwork, but I'm highly doubtful he'll say yes.  So looks like we're going to be waiting until January after all.

Meh.  Not a tragedy, but meh.

Manic Monday

First of all ladies, my sincerest thanks and gratitude for your responses to my last post.  Particularly with regards to my antral follicle count woes.  You lifted me up.  Now onto our regular news report:

Woke up too early this morning thinking of all of the things I needed to do today, a lot of which are on the IF front.  As of this morning I've made all of my important appointments - physical, mammogram, HSG - so that's a relief.  But it occurred to me today that if I'm going to do estrogen/testosterone priming the month before stims, that actually starts pretty soon and I need to think about getting medications filled.  Which means I need to get on my husband's insurance policy, which covers IVF drugs (but not IVF).  And then figure out what to do with my current insurance plan, which doesn't cover drugs (but covers testing and used to cover IVF until I used up my lifetime max).  Sigh.

I have a call into my nurse to see when priming begins and for how long.  I am also wondering whether or not they allow you to try naturally during that time.  Does anyone know?  I'm guessing not.  If not, then I should also schedule my varicella immunization during that month because you can't TTC after that either. Sheez, cycling out-of-state is complicated - to get all of the testing done in time, I'm going to be working with 4 different clinics/hospitals.  I swear the percentage of people in the city that have seen my lady parts is approaching double digits!

This has turned onto one of those "then I did this, then I did that" posts.  BO-RING.  Sadly, this is a true reflection of my interior life.  SERIOUSLY BO-RING.

Okay, that's not entirely true.  I do have one interesting recommendation, which I will leave you with.  Anyone who wants a break from the tedium of IF should check out the documentary "Senna," which is about Ayerton Senna, the Formula One race car driver.  Okay, doesn't sound like a topic one would normally flock to.  But Ladies.  LAY DEES.  Not only is the doc extremely well-crafted and gripping (they do a really good job of making the past feel like the present through lots of old footage), this man was something to behold.  Charming, humble, fiercely talented and, most importantly, knee-droppingly gorgeous.  My friend and I kept turning to each other in the theatre and mouthing "he is so HOT" to one another.

I hope you all find some time to see it - we all need something to fantasize about other than breast feeding!