2.5 Weeks

Hello everyone, I am so sorry for the long delay in posting.  I've only just come up for air, I think.  It's been an intense 2 1/2 weeks, full of all kinds of emotions.

I'll save the birth story for a little later, but suffice it to say that recovery from pre-ecclampsia + C-section sucks!  In addition to the usual pain of surgery, I had the most awful swelling all over my body from the pre-ecclampsia and from 20 straight hours of IV fluid being pumped into my body.  I was literally unrecognizable after the surgery, and it took forever for the fluid to drain.

I'm still in recovery mode, though obviously much better now.  Unfortunately my incision isn't healing as well as my doctor wants, and they may have to open it back up and drain it.  I am so dreading that, the thought of it depresses me to no end.  In addition, I found a little lump under my armpit that I'm getting checked out.  I know it's probably nothing, but it's kind of freaking me out as well.

But then there are the little babies, who are magic, just magic.  Every time I hold them, or see their little hands clasp around my finder, my heart hurts.  They are both doing incredibly well - they spent a week in the NICU and came home with us last Tuesday.  At their last pediatrician appointment they weighed 7 lbs 3 oz and 6 lbs 14 oz, so they are now well over their birth weights.

Unfortunately I'm able to breast feed them only about 50% right now.  They alternate between breast and formula every feed, and even when they breast feed we are still topping them off with formula.  This is what my baby nurse recommends, and I'm sure it's a good way to get them to gain weight.  But I do want to try to transition more to breast feeding wholly, and I'm not sure she's going to be the one to help me to do this.  She's only here a few more days though - we just hired her to help us get through the first couple of weeks - so after that we can start to do whatever we want.

I'm meeting with a lactation consultant today who will hopefully help me more with my breast feeding goals.  Hoping, praying she can do that, as I am finding it one of the hardest things to cope with.  It wouldn't be so bad if I was fully healed, but not feeling 100% and trying to breast feed is really tough.

Anyhow, I'm sorry for what sounds like a complain-y post.  The truth is that one look at these two little babes, and it's so clear that it's worth all the pain.  Hubby and I are so in love with these two precious creatures!

Here's a pic of the little burritos, all swaddled up.  I hope everyone is doing well, more to come on birth story soon.

They're here!

Remember how I said I just wanted to make it to 36 weeks?   Well, I did!
Babies were born via C- section on Tuesday, Oct 9th.   O (our Baby A) was 6lbs 7 oz and J (our Baby B) was 6 lbs 3 oz.  Two pretty strapping birth weights!

So much more to tell later but need to get through the next couple crazy days/ weeks first.   More to come soon!

33 Weeks and Big Babies

Today I went in for what may be my last ultrasound before I deliver.  Babies were measuring 5lbs 3oz and 4lbs 14oz - which depending on the chart you look at is either HUGE or slightly below average.  Anybody have an online source for weight percentiles they trust?  There is a pretty big discrepancy between sources as far as I can tell.  Also, my cervix seems to be holding up reasonably well, although it has shortened.  2 months ago it was 3.7, a month ago it was 3.1, and now it's somewhere in mid 2's.  But I think that's still pretty good, or at least the ultrasound tech said so.

My belly is getting just monstrous...I promise I'll post some pics soon.  But trust me, it's BIG!

I'm really hoping I make it another 2.5 weeks, which will bring me to 36 weeks.  After that, the babies can come whenever as far as I'm concerned.  In fact, the thought of waiting until 38 weeks (which is when my OB said she'd schedule delivery if they don't come sooner) sounds crazy to me - could I really make it that long?  Seems impossible....

We had our nursery closet installed today.  It will be painted next week and then our curtains and new windows will be installed the week after.  If I can just get through all of that before delivering it would be heavenly!  Keep your fingers crossed for me girls!

I have passed my last two NSTs without incident, thank goodness.  I did have a few contractions again today but the doctor who reviewed it said it wasn't necessary to send me to Labor & Delivery.  Phew!

My main source of complaint right now is carpel tunnel and heaviness in the pelvis.  Sleep is just so-so, but it's been that way for a while now.  I'm in this weird place where I am simultaneously so ready to be done with this pregnancy and also desperately hoping to stretch it out another 2 - 3 weeks.  We'll see what happens, talk about having no control over this outcome!

Oh, and I wanted to thank everyone for the very helpful comments re: c-section vs. "natural" delivery as well as contractions.  It made me feel a lot better to hear how many of you had frequent Braxton Hicks in the third trimester.  I'm getting used to it now and not freaking out about it anymore.  I think right now I'm leaning towards trying for "natural" with the understanding that it may not happen for me.  We'll see how I feel when the time comes, though!

Hope everyone is doing well, whatever stage you are at...

31 Weeks and a Pre-Term Labor Scare

A warning that this is going to be a whiny, complaining post, reflective of some recent stress and lack of sleep!

As I get further into my third trimester, I've gone from feeling relatively relaxed and reasonably prepared to stressed out and totally behind in my preparation.  It started with my last ultrasound a couple of weeks ago, where both babies were measuring in the 80th percentile (!) in terms of height/weight.  On the one hand, it's great that they are growing so well, but I was worried that their size is related to the effects of GD.  It also made me worry about them getting too big too fast and pushing me into pre-term labor earlier than I want.

The following week I had an appointment with my OB, who was generally very happy with my progress.  She was relieved that I made it to 30 weeks, because according to her, at this point I could deliver tomorrow and while things wouldn't be ideal I would be okay.  But she spent most of the appointment talking as if I would be delivering in the next few weeks, and that totally stressed me out!  I'm not ready yet to go into labor - we are only halfway through our preparation for the nursery.  I haven't yet bought everything we need to buy.  We have a closet being installed in two weeks and new windows being installed in 4 weeks.   Not to mention the fact that I'm not just mentally prepared to go yet!

She also said that both babies are heads down, my blood pressure looks great, and assuming things don't change that I could be a good candidate for vaginal delivery.  This also threw me for a loop.  When we first met she cautioned me that I would most likely be delivering via C-section, and that I should prepare myself for that outcome.  Even if both babies were heads down there was a risk that in the process of delivering vaginally I could end up delivering one, having the other one flip around, and THEN having to do a C-section.  That prospect horrified me enough to scare me off of vaginal delivery.  Hence I've taken no birthing classes, read no books, hired no doulas - I feel totally underprepared mentally for a vaginal birth.

But now I am having to rethink the C-section plan, and I honestly don't know what to do.  On the one hand, the recovery time is so much better with vaginal delivery.  But that risk of having to do BOTH vaginal and C-section delivery still scares me - she estimated it at about a 10% risk.   So I'm still flip-flopping around about this, and at some point we will need to make a game-time decision.  At this point I think I'm going to throw my hands up in the air and make an impulse decision when the time comes - I'm too overwhelmed at the moment to do anything else.

Yesterday I had the biggest scare of all.  I went in for my first Non Stress Test (which I will be doing weekly from here on out).  The babies were very active and did great, but unfortunately they recorded 3 contractions in the space of about 1/2 an hour!  Based on this, they sent me over to Labor and Delivery to ensure that I wasn't going into pre-term labor.  Needless to say, this scared the pee out of me.  I then had to wait close to 3 hours to be admitted to triage - they kept having to put more urgent delivery cases before me - and by the time I was seen I was thoroughly exhausted and stressed out.

Thankfully, they determined that the contractions were NOT the start of Labor - my cervix was still closed and the babies were doing great.  So after taking up my entire day I was sent home.   I was feeling really relieved until last night when I got into bed.  Shortly after arranging myself into position I felt about 6 contractions over the course of an hour.  That freaked me out and I woke my husband up.  However, we were both so exhausted (neither of us have gotten much sleep recently for various reasons) that I couldn't mobilize to do anything about it.

So after yet another crappy night of sleep I must admit I'm feeling rather cranky and stressed.  I am going to spend the day taking care of stuff we need to do for the babies, and then will monitor myself for contractions.  Now that I've gone through the NST I can much more definitely point to when I'm having one - before I was never sure.  The drag is that I'm now going to be paranoid about this every day for the rest of this pregnancy.  So much for that relaxed, energetic pregnancy glow I was sporting for a few months there!

I am praying that I make it at least another month with these babies inside me, but I know I really don't have any control over this.  If you all have any thoughts to share with me on C-section vs vaginal delivery or any of these other issues I welcome them.  In the mean time, I'm going to try to get a nap in while I still can!

Gestational Diabetes = FAIL!!

This past Friday I went into my OB's office for my 1 hour glucose test.  I have been kinda worried about this one ever since I read the book on twin pregnancies that said there is a much higher risk of GD for women with twins.  However, my OB wasn't too concerned and said that I could wait until my next appointment at 28 weeks before taking the test.

Well, as it turns out, the twin book was right and I should have listened to my gut and taken the test earlier.  I failed so spectacularly - my levels were 196 (non-fasting) and they want you under 135 - that my OB decided to just skip the 3-hour test and send me straight to the nutritionist.

So I'm now on a GD diet plan and testing myself 4 times a day.  I must say it's a bit of a bummer - one of my only food pleasures left was fresh fruit, and I now have to restrict that severely along with all the other foods I like (bread, pasta, rice, potatoes).  Boo hoo.

I also cannot STAND doing the finger prick testing.  For some reason I am finding it 10 times more difficult/frustrating than doing the IVF shots.  Despite soaking my hands in hot water, rubbing my fingertips to get more blood into them, etc. I can only seem to get enough blood out of them about 1/3 of the time.  This means I have to prick my finger an average of 3x per try, which is really annoying - I have already wasted a ton of test strips and lancets, and they ain't cheap!

The good news is that since I started testing 2 days ago, my blood levels are almost all under target (<100 fasting, <120 non-fasting).  The two levels that were over target were 121 and 124 (non-fasting) so they were only borderline over.  Hoping this means that diet will solve the problem, and I won't have to do insulin.  I also hope it means that my GD isn't really that bad, and hasn't had any negative effects on the babies.  That part scares me, since we didn't catch this until relatively late.

In other news, my mom was here last week and we had a really lovely time.  I don't think we've actually spent a week alone together as adults ever.  Seeing me healthy (GD excepted!) and happy quelled a lot of her anxieties, and I think she was very surprised to see how active I still am despite the size of this belly!

I am now 28, going on 29, weeks and in my third trimester! So happy to have made it to this milestone.  My OB said that she was very relieved that we were past the scariest time (24 - 28 weeks).  While of course we want the babies to cook much, much longer it's nice to know that every week that goes by puts us more in the safe zone.

Our apartment is slowly filling up with gifts from the baby shower that I have nowhere to store.  I am in the process of getting a closet for the nursery built, and it can't come too soon!  I also have new windows and drapes coming, as well as all of the nursery furniture/gear - it's going to be a bit of a hectic time getting all of these things coordinated.  My biggest fear is that the new windows are not going to make it in time - my installer gave me a date of Oct 9th, which is just before my due date and I'm very nervous about how that is going to turn out!  I may be asking for trouble.

I am getting a bit more uncomfortable now, and I can see that these last couple months are not going to be quite as smooth sailing as the past few have been.  The belly is definitely slowing me down more - I get out of breath and experience rapid heart beats much more when I walk around now.  My nose is always stuffy, and my husband has been teasing me about how much I snore at night now (he's one to talk, by the way!)  My hands and feet have also started to get numb and tingly because of all of the fluids/swelling.  But despite this I'm still doing pretty well - praying that I feel this good as long as possible!

I hope everyone is doing well - am SO SO happy for Sunflower and Jen and their recent BFPs!  And I have my fingers, toes, and everything crossed for MyFertilityBlog's upcoming cycle in Denver - everybody please send her best wishes!

26 Weeks - Getting Youge

Wow, it's been a while since I posted last.  I keep meaning to put together a post but lately I've been much more interested in reading and commenting than writing.

Things are going really well in general.  I still feel pretty good, although my feet definitely get sore a lot faster these days when I stand for long periods of time.  Belly is really growing - weight gain of about (gulp!) 28 - 30 lbs already!  I am definitely going to be mid 40 lbs, maybe more, before this is all through.  Sleep is so-so.  I still get up 2 - 3 times in the night to pee, and lately I've been finding that around 6:30 / 7:00am I wake up and can't get back to sleep very easily.  Kind of a bummer because in theory I should be trying to get as much sleep as possible right now, but what can I do?

I had my last ultrasound appointment about a week ago, and all was well.  The babies were measuring a bit ahead of average at almost 2 lbs each.  No wonder my belly is big, I have 4 lbs of baby in there already!  I was pleased to see that they are pretty close in weight - a couple of ounces difference, but nothing too major.  My cervix was measuring nice and long at 3.7cm.  My biggest source of nervousness right now is preterm labor, so it was good to know that I don't seem to be in any imminent danger, but of course that can all change overnight.

Next up is my gestational diabetes test - I'm kinda worried about this one.  It's a lot more common with twins apparently, so really hoping I pass.  We shall see.

We hosted a baby shower at our apartment yesterday, and it was a lot of fun.  We did a very non-traditional, co-ed affair with lots of good food and good company.  My husband and I did a lot of cooking and prep and I think it turned out beautifully, although we were both pretty exhausted afterwards.  People were so sweet though - we got a lot of beautiful gifts already, and many more seem to be arriving via the registry.  Getting all of these gifts is making it all seem really real somehow.

It's going to be a very social couple of weeks - I have a good friend in town tomorrow, then my husband's work outing in the Hamptons this weekend, and then my mom comes to stay with me next week.  I'm looking forward to having her, although her level of anxiety about my pregnancy gets wearing at times.  If I don't call her back right away she instantly assumes something is wrong and starts worrying and fretting and calling again.  I really hope I don't end up like this with my own kids, but never say never.

I have decided for this reason that the first few weeks after the babies are born will just be for me, my husband, and a baby nurse.  After that we will have my parents come to stay, but no sooner - I think I will need a little time to adjust first before dealing with all of that stress and anxiety.  Sometimes my mother's idea of "help" is not so helpful!

I leave you with a couple belly shots from about a week ago - I deliberately chose the ones that are more flattering and where I look smaller.  Believe me when I say there are plenty where I look absolutely huge!

Happy and Sad

Reading everyone's posts the past couple of weeks I've had a lot of mixed emotions.  There have been amazing, wonderful stories from women who have finally given birth after years of waiting (congratulations TurtleMama, Sooz, and Jay!!!)  Seeing pictures of their beautiful babies and hearing the joy their 'voices' (underneath the exhaustion and craziness) is so wonderful.

And then there are the women who are still happily pregnant - furnishing nurseries, picking out names, posting their ultrasound pictures.  It warms my heart to read about every milestone passed, every dream for the future.

But it's the strong, wonderful women who are still in the trenches that really move me.  There were a couple of posts this week that broke my heart, and brought me back to those tense, awful days in my recent past.  I have no words of wisdom - all of you are veterans, and know how to navigate the landmines associated with IF.  I just wish each of you as much peace and strength as possible in the coming days, and the shortest point possible from here to getting your dream babies!

In other news, I've been very busy and productive preparing for the babies arrival.  I've pretty much picked out a crib, stroller, glider, and am now starting to research infant seats.  We are planning to throw a shower in a month or so, before I get too huge.  I've also lined up a baby nurse for the early weeks and am very far down the line with figuring out a nanny to help me during the week.  I was originally going to wait on that but have been told so strenuously by so many people how much I'm going to need help with twins that I've changed my mind.  I'm also in the process of ordering new windows and blackout curtains for the nursery, as well as childproofing all of our apartment windows. And finally, I'm designing a built-in closet in the nursery for all of their clothes & toys as well as cleaning out all of our existing closets to make room for all of the new gear.

So whew!  A lot going on in the past few weeks, but it's all good stuff.  My belly is growing steadily - I popped out another inch or two over the weekend, and am really starting to look like a twin mama now, I think.  I've been feeling really good, except for the last few days, where I've started to get a little tired and hormonal - I think this is maybe associated with a little growth spurt by the babes.

More to come soon, I hope everyone has a great 4th of July!