The Not-So-Sexy Infertility Adventures of a Girl in the Big Apple

Friday, November 25, 2011

Sad

I just got back from my u/s - still only four follicles, after 7 days of stims.  There are really only 3 that look viable, the other one is behind.  I may be triggering tomorrow, so there's almost no hope that any more are going to appear.

I am crushed.  I was really hoping for at least one or two more follicles/eggs than last time.  At most they will get 3 eggs, and it's very likely there will be less.  After all of this time and effort, and going to the best clinic money can buy, I'm getting the exact same result as before.  I just have to face it, this is the best my body is ever going to do.

I was going to go out and do some things today but the wind has totally been taken out of my sails.  I'm too depressed and numb to even cry.

I know that "it only takes one."  I know there are tons of stories about women who have that miraculous lone embryo that gets them pregnant.  But the basic fact is that this cycle is almost certainly not going to work.  I don't even feel like continuing, to be honest with you, but I know that I should just see it through.  We've gone this far.

I'm really, really sad.
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10 comments:

  1. JenNovember 25, 2011 at 10:17 AM

    Oh newbie....I'm so sad for you too. I know you don't want to hear it but I'm gonna say it anyways. It could work - we both know it does only take one, but I know that's not going to make you feel any better right now so just know I'm thinking about you. ((Hugs))

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  2. elliejNovember 25, 2011 at 10:43 AM

    Hello just to give you some hope - I hope. In my first CCRM cycle I had 3 fertilized eggs. All 3 went to blast and were tested as CCS normal. I am due in two weeks from one of those blasts which was transferred via eSET in March of this year. I know how you are feeling but please don't give up. Quality is what is key. Good luck to you

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  3. elliejNovember 25, 2011 at 10:46 AM

    PS my word verification for my last post was: 'bumpo'!

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  4. justagirl-KristaNovember 25, 2011 at 10:54 AM

    I know you are sad, it's hard not to be but the other ladies are right.These 3 could turn into your BFP. We always want more I know I did too. Wait to see how the fertilization goes, I think it will be good.

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  5. LibbyNovember 25, 2011 at 11:06 AM

    I'm so sorry you are disappointed. I think what CCRM has to offer though is handling the eggs that you do have with more care and better technology. I hope you do end up going out anyway, maybe find a nice place for a massage? Try to hang in there...

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  6. ChonNovember 25, 2011 at 11:13 AM

    Hon I know how much this hurts, like been in your shoes exactly. I had to put my faith in the clinic that they woul deliver the best outcome. Yes it takes only one but a few more would ave been nice to play with!! Stay strong, it's not over yet xxx

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  7. hopeandeffortNovember 25, 2011 at 4:38 PM

    I'm rooting for you! I believe there can be follicles that are not seen on u/s several days before retrieval, but I understand why you are demoralized. I'm empathizing and also thinking about what my own next step will be. I'm actually in NYC and have just scrambled to have my ODWU at CCRM on December 1st. Will be arriving on the 30th. I, too, started obsessing about whether to go all the way to Colorado given that I live in a place with top clinics. I'm hoping the lab quality can make a difference as is suggested in one of the comments above. I've failed a number of IVF and IUI cycles at one clinic here and decided I did not want to go to Cornell or NYU. I'm older, so in terms of egg quality, age is not in my favor. Nor is my AFC... Is there an blog email address where you can be contacted privately? I wish you the best. We will be there at the same time.

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  8. AnonymousNovember 25, 2011 at 5:17 PM

    Hey Newbie...I am crushed that your optimism isn't more rock solid too. Just want to reach out and give you a big hug...take care.

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  9. cdgNovember 26, 2011 at 5:21 AM

    thinking of you....

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  10. MoNovember 26, 2011 at 10:27 AM

    oh, i am so sorry things aren't looking better. of course you're feeling crushed. i am still hopeful - and you ARE at the best clinic. I hope it brings some measure of comfort to know that if there is a viable egg - they will give you all the best chances to have it fertilize and grow and result in a baby.

    thinking of you. and wishing this wasn't so completely hard and difficult.

    mo

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