First of all, just want to thank all of you ladies for the recommendations on yoga videos. I bought 2 Shiva Rea videos, and am liking them a lot (although I will never be able to do half the poses the way she does!) I also bought Circle & Bloom's IVF cycle meditations (thanks Chon!), and am really enjoying those.
This past week I have been doing a fair amount of thinking and planning for Plan B in the event that this FET doesn't work. I had a long talk with H about this on the way home from our upstate house this weekend. I asked him whether he would want to try one last time with my eggs, and what he felt about moving to donor eggs. I told him that my inclination was to try one more time with my eggs, but do a fresh cycle (no CCS testing). My rationale is that I'm not likely to make more than 2 embryos, so I'd probably be doing polar body testing again, which has a much lower chance of success than CCS tested embryos. Also, if my 2 normal embryos from this cycle fail then it's not a problem with my eggs being chromosomally abnormal. The issue would most likely be that my eggs just aren't robust enough to survive, in which case I think a fresh transfer would do the least damage to them. Lastly, I just can't bear the thought of waiting again for test results, and then waiting to do the FET - it just drags the whole process out, and I'm not getting any younger.
If that fails, I told him I would like to move onto donor eggs. And to my surprise and delight, H told me that not only was he comfortable trying one more time with my eggs, he would also be comfortable moving to donor eggs if we had to. It's not a decision he would make on his own (he'd be happy without kids), but if it was really important to my happiness he'd be up for it. He says he does believe that once the baby arrived he would be thrilled.
I was so grateful and relieved to hear him say this - have I mentioned how much I love this guy? It takes a certain amount of pressure off me mentally to know that this is still an option. I don't want to have to go there, but at least I know I can if I need to. Whew.
I have set up a contingency appointment with Dr. S the day after my beta so that if it's negative I can go straight into priming for the next cycle. I don't want a month of down-time in between, it will just drive me nuts. I think now I've done all I can do, so I will spend the rest of this month just trying to keep myself calm and sane.
Time is passing slowly but surely over here. I took my last BCP today, and am on Day 5 of Lupron. I've noticed that I haven't been sleeping very well the last week or so - don't know if it's just increased anxiety or if the Lupron is doing it to me. I'm going to try to go to bed early tonight and get a good night's sleep.
February is going to be a big month for many of us cycling at C.CRM. I am really bummed that I'm somehow missing ALL of you by a week or so, but at least I'll have some online cycling buddies!