The Not-So-Sexy Infertility Adventures of a Girl in the Big Apple

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

6 weeks 2 days - Ultrasound Report

Hubby and I went in today for our first ultrasound.  I hadn't really been stressing too much about it up until this morning - I think that's mainly because I've been walking around in a progesterone fueled haze most of the last week.  Have felt fairly spaced out and groggy most of the time.

Anyhow, I did start to get very nervous once we got to the waiting room of my old clinic.  Sitting there brought back all of the painful memories of my last two failed cycles and so many difficult conversations with my RE.  She told me after both cycles one and two that she thought we would never get pregnant with my eggs, and that I should move to donor eggs.  I think those were the most devastating conversations I had during this whole process, and it makes my stomach turn just thinking about them.

Upon seeing me again, she was very warm and very happy that we had gotten pregnant.  She congratulated us on our perseverance and said she felt chagrined that she had told us to stop trying.  We proceeded with the exam, and saw this:

Yup, that's what it looks like.  2 embryonic sacs, but only one embryo.  It looks like one of them didn't make it, although clearly 2 implanted and started to develop.  However, Twin A (the one that was there) looked good - we saw the fetal sac, fetal pole, and the heartbeat.  In fact, we *heard* the heartbeat, which was awesome.  Unfortunately, my RE didn't provide any measurements or other information to C.CRM (I am annoyed by this because I did give her the orders), but I can see from the printout she gave me that the heart rate was 112, which I think is pretty good.  I am going to call back tomorrow and see if she took measurements but just forgot to send them - argh.

I am supposed to go back in next week for a follow up, to see if Twin B does in fact emerge - there is still a slight possibility that it is just behind the other one, but it's unlikely.  I have mixed feelings about all of this.  On the one hand, I am sad that we seem to have lost Twin B - I had really started to get excited about having twins.  On the other hand, I'm relieved that I won't have to worry about all of the very real complications of twin pregnancies.  But the most predominant emotion I am feeling is intense worry about Twin A.  The fact that we lost one has made the possibility of losing the other feel very real, and that thought scares me to death.  I can totally deal with losing one - but not both.  Please, please, not both!

I also have an ethical question for you ladies, which I am wrestling with a little.  My RE is very interested in seeing my medical records from C.CRM.  Partly because she wants some information on the embryos I transferred in assessing the current state of my pregnancy and what might have happened to Twin B (a legit reason,) but also because she is interested to know about my protocol at C.CRM and what they did to get me pregnant.  This is in the interests of her own self-education and improving her practice, as she freely admits.  I feel kind of weird about this because I don't know if that would be something that C.CRM wouldn't want me to share - each clinic's protocol is somewhat proprietary and I don't want to unwittingly cross any boundaries by sharing that with her.  On the other hand, it's not particularly hard to figure out what different clinics are doing if you really care to find out - I myself read tons of blogs/posts about C.CRM and their different protocols before I ever got there.  That was the reason I asked Dr. S to add Saizen to my protocol, which he wouldn't have done otherwise.

What do you guys think?  Should I just go ahead and request a copy of my medical records?  Should I ask the nurse first?  Not sure how to approach this one and appreciate any thoughts from you wise people.

6 week symptoms are about the same.  Nausea when I have an empty stomach (hence, I never have an empty stomach and hence, I am getting fat very fast).  No bleeding since the last episode (thank goodness!)  Fatigue and foggy headed feeling (I think progesterone related).  Latest blood draw showed steady increase from last week:
Estrogen - 1,153
Progesterone - 9.9

That's it for now.  I'm going to sit back and try to process all of this news.  I am already anxious for next week's u/s, going to be a looong week.


  1. Did you hear that? That was me breathing a huge sigh of relief.

    I must admit when you wrote about your bleeding last week my first thought was that one of the twins might not have made it. I didn't want to say anything though.

    It's not idea, no one likes the thought of losing anything but Twin A is clearly a strong little bugger. 112 is a great normal AVERAGE heartbeat which is exactly what you want.

    As to passing on records, I don't know. She told you to try donor eggs. Isn't it her responsibility to educate herself? C.CRM clearly have more aggressive treatments and are willing to be innovative and a lot of FS / RE still continue to go along the boring old protocol which clearly doesn't work for everyone.

    I think you should ask C.CRM for their advice. If they feel strongly about it then you can decline with a clear conscience, if they dont't mind then it is up to you.

    I just know that with my old FS I literally begged him to test me for NK cells and he dismissed it completely. It's not that I hate him - such a strong word - but I am so utterly disappointed in his unwillingness to explore other options.

    Anyway that's my take. I am PUMPED for you.


  2. Happy to hear that Baby A is doing fantastically. Sorry about Baby B. I can understand you feeling worried, but try and take it easy and think good thoughts. Reg the CC.RM I agree with post above. You should check with them first or better still give her your Dr's number and she can reach out to him herself. Again that Baby A is doing well.

  3. I'm so excited for you! I just love it when one of us finds success after being told that DE is our ONLY hope! I'm sorry about twin B, and it's understandable that you would have mixed emotions. And who knows, maybe it is just behind.

    I agree with Chon that I would ask C CRM about handing over your records. Call it selfish or whatever, but she's the one who could have caused you to lose all hope. I also really don't see why your she needs to know more about your embryos just to do a couple of u/s for you. You'll be going to an OB soon anyway :)

    Glad to

    1. Oops, didn't mean to leave you hanging - Glad to hear everything is going well. I'm sure that's what I was going to say ; )

      Oh, and one more thing about your records, I think each doctor needs to know the WHY, not just the WHAT. A little knowledge can sometimes be hurtful. I unfortunately had that experience with my first RE. I would hope your RE would be smarter though :0

  4. So happy for you! I'm sorry to hear about Baby B but so excited for Baby A! I agree with the ladies above and honestly if it were me I would definitely give the RE my medical records because as Chon says she's genuinely interested for her own knowledge, THAT'S A GOOD DR! One that accepts they gave you bad advice and wants more information about how you were helped and thus what she might be able to do in the future for other patients, I think ALL Dr.'s should be so willing to admit they were wrong and want to learn more about their field!

  5. I am pro passing on the records, but mostly I'm delighted to see that you've got one viable embryo going strong!

    I understand that losing one twin makes the thought of losing the other more real, but try and focus on the fact that twin B's loss actually gives Twin A a better chance of survival. Hang in there for next week, and good luck!

  6. Congratulations Newbie!! I am sorry... I can only imagine how bittersweet the feelings are given Twin B... but focusing on a healthy Twin A is a good focus for you right now! Thanks for reporting in on your results!!

  7. So so glad to hear about twin a. I'm also sorry to hear about twin b. That must be a crazy mix of emotions for you. I think it would be normal to be scared for twin a, however, try to trust that it will be ok. Twin a is strong and has made it this far.

    I would also simply ask about giving your file to the local RE. That way you are not undermining them or destroying any confidence.

    I can't wait to hear about what you see next week.

  8. Sorry about Twin B...but wowza...that's a GREAT hb rate for Twin A!! I'd ask your nurse what she thinks...can't hurt!!

  9. Oh, Newbie, I am so happy to hear that you have one embryo with a heartbeat! I am sorry to hear about twin b- do you think that was what all the bleeding was about? 2 friends of mine who did IVF had a vanishing twin, so I think it is quite common. Even though it's sad, it might mean that you will have a less risky pregnancy with this little thriving bean. Regarding the records, I think it's up to you. I can understand your reservations after she told you go to donor eggs, but it sounds like she genuinely wants to learn how to improve her practice, so using your records as a case study, she might not be so quick to suggest donor eggs and help someone else like you. Hope you can get the measurements - it's always something!

  10. That u/s looks like mine. My twin b never did develop, but I am currently 39 weeks. RE told me this is very common as yhe healthier one dominates, though I was sad. I am now thankful that my baby A had the healthiest environment my body could provide.

    I wish u a healthy 9 months.

  11. I'm glad Twin A is doing great and sorry to hear that Twin B likely didn't make it. I can imagine that would be bittersweet. Regarding the records thing...I don't know. I openly told my old RE about my CC.RM protocol because I figured she was still part of my medical team. She is still doing my preliminary ultrasounds and stuff and I know that she has our best interest at heart - I honestly didn't think twice about it. Not sure that I would go so far as to get my records sent to her but we did talk about the protocol.

  12. Congrats on your pregnancy!! Though, I am very sorry to hear about the 2nd sac.

    In regards to your ethical question, I would actually send my file without question (and i did as i was a ccrm patient) and here's why: this is medicine. The one thing that has bugged me about CCRM is the "secret" to everything and the insanely high fees (including the 800 dollar nursing fee which insurance would never cover). I bring this up because it is the same reason I feel the way I do about the medical records. This is healthcare and ethically and for the greater good, information should be shared so that this patient population as a whole could benefit. I actually think a clinic wanting to withold is unethical. My opinion might be different other areas, but simply for the reason that this is medicine/healthcare do I feel so strongly. I realize others may disagree with me, but this is mine and my husband's opinion from the perspective of 2 people who work in medicine.

    Anyhow, go with whatever you feel comfortable with and congrats again!!

  13. I am sure you are feeling that bitter sweet feeling, I am very happy you were able to see and hear at least 1 heart beat. Hope all goes well with the next ultrasound! I shared a lot of info regarding my success at CCRM with my local RE, I figured why not, if I can help someone else get pregnant why not. I didn't actually give them my records but I did share my protocols verbally with them.

  14. Hearing a heartbeat must be wonderful. I understand your mixed feelings about the B, but concentrate on your little one.

    I would be inclined to hand over the protocol, by doing so you may help someone else some way down the line.

  15. I'm so glad that you were able to hear the heartbeat. I understand the mixed feelings, but remember that there's one little guy (or girl?) in there who's a fighter and is definitely going to make it and he/she needs lots and lots of love!

    I agree with the other folks, I probably wouldn't hand over anything written, but I'd verbally tell them about my protocol and explain that more detailed info can be found doing an online search. Although, I think CC.RM's protocols are definitely a factor in their high success, I actually think a huge part is also their lab.

  16. i'm still holding out for twin B. maybe he/she is just shy? but most of all glad Twin A looks so great and has a strong heart beat. rooting for you. Thinking of you. wishing you the very best : )


  17. Bummed to hear about twin B...but I'd be like you...looking on the positive that you don't have the additional risk. Sending prayers that twin A stays with you! In regards to your records, I's say give it to the end the clinic is trying to learn more to help people like us get pregnant. The net result of the clinic learning something from your file may mean that an infertile couple is blessed with a baby.

  18. So Glad that one has made it! Sorry it wasn't two.

  19. I'm so late at this and by now you probably are about to head to your next ultrasound. I am so happy about 1 heartbeat and a little sad too about Twin B :( I was very excited as you know about the idea of twins. Anyway, who knows? You may have a surprise this next time. Regardless, congratulations on being super pregnant :-)!!! xoxo

  20. congrats!

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