Hubby and I went in today for our first ultrasound. I hadn't really been stressing too much about it up until this morning - I think that's mainly because I've been walking around in a progesterone fueled haze most of the last week. Have felt fairly spaced out and groggy most of the time.
Anyhow, I did start to get very nervous once we got to the waiting room of my old clinic. Sitting there brought back all of the painful memories of my last two failed cycles and so many difficult conversations with my RE. She told me after both cycles one and two that she thought we would never get pregnant with my eggs, and that I should move to donor eggs. I think those were the most devastating conversations I had during this whole process, and it makes my stomach turn just thinking about them.
Upon seeing me again, she was very warm and very happy that we had gotten pregnant. She congratulated us on our perseverance and said she felt chagrined that she had told us to stop trying. We proceeded with the exam, and saw this:
Yup, that's what it looks like. 2 embryonic sacs, but only one embryo. It looks like one of them didn't make it, although clearly 2 implanted and started to develop. However, Twin A (the one that was there) looked good - we saw the fetal sac, fetal pole, and the heartbeat. In fact, we *heard* the heartbeat, which was awesome. Unfortunately, my RE didn't provide any measurements or other information to C.CRM (I am annoyed by this because I did give her the orders), but I can see from the printout she gave me that the heart rate was 112, which I think is pretty good. I am going to call back tomorrow and see if she took measurements but just forgot to send them - argh.
I am supposed to go back in next week for a follow up, to see if Twin B does in fact emerge - there is still a slight possibility that it is just behind the other one, but it's unlikely. I have mixed feelings about all of this. On the one hand, I am sad that we seem to have lost Twin B - I had really started to get excited about having twins. On the other hand, I'm relieved that I won't have to worry about all of the very real complications of twin pregnancies. But the most predominant emotion I am feeling is intense worry about Twin A. The fact that we lost one has made the possibility of losing the other feel very real, and that thought scares me to death. I can totally deal with losing one - but not both. Please, please, not both!
I also have an ethical question for you ladies, which I am wrestling with a little. My RE is very interested in seeing my medical records from C.CRM. Partly because she wants some information on the embryos I transferred in assessing the current state of my pregnancy and what might have happened to Twin B (a legit reason,) but also because she is interested to know about my protocol at C.CRM and what they did to get me pregnant. This is in the interests of her own self-education and improving her practice, as she freely admits. I feel kind of weird about this because I don't know if that would be something that C.CRM wouldn't want me to share - each clinic's protocol is somewhat proprietary and I don't want to unwittingly cross any boundaries by sharing that with her. On the other hand, it's not particularly hard to figure out what different clinics are doing if you really care to find out - I myself read tons of blogs/posts about C.CRM and their different protocols before I ever got there. That was the reason I asked Dr. S to add Saizen to my protocol, which he wouldn't have done otherwise.
What do you guys think? Should I just go ahead and request a copy of my medical records? Should I ask the nurse first? Not sure how to approach this one and appreciate any thoughts from you wise people.
6 week symptoms are about the same. Nausea when I have an empty stomach (hence, I never have an empty stomach and hence, I am getting fat very fast). No bleeding since the last episode (thank goodness!) Fatigue and foggy headed feeling (I think progesterone related). Latest blood draw showed steady increase from last week:
Estrogen - 1,153
Progesterone - 9.9
That's it for now. I'm going to sit back and try to process all of this news. I am already anxious for next week's u/s, going to be a looong week.