The Not-So-Sexy Infertility Adventures of a Girl in the Big Apple

Monday, September 26, 2011

Emerging from Blogging Cloud

I'm just emerging - pale and bleary-eyed - from a 2 day, self-induced blogging haze.   Being unemployed, prone to internet-assisted obsession, and alone in the house (no H this week) is a bad combination.

Yesterday was the worst.   I woke up with a stuffed head/headache (the dregs of that cold that never really fully blossomed), dragged myself out of bed, looked at my pale, listless face in the mirror and said: "girl, you ain't goin anywhere today."  And I practically didn't, with the exception of one trip down to Vitamin Shoppe to get yet more supplements and to Whole Foods to re-up on juicing supplies.

(Speaking of juicing, I wanted to answer TurtleMama's question about my juicer before I forget.  I bought the Breville Ikon juicer and love it!  It was hard to find - I guess they are pretty popular and have been out of stock for a while, but eventually I got my hands on one via Amazon.  If you decide to get one, I highly recommend it.)

Anyhow, after reading what felt like a million new blogs I've come full circle in terms of my emotional state with this IF thing.  I started out feeling really hopeful (and scared of hope).  After reading a ton of blogs of people who have tried again and again and never succeeded, I must admit I'm now feeling a lot less hope.  Actually, I think the most accurate description for how I feel is that I have an ever-flowing tidal wave of Hope which is continually running up against a nearly impenetrable wall of Lack of Belief.   I fervently hope, but don't really believe, that things are going to work out for us.  And I think that's just how it's going to be, until enough time goes by that we can finally try and fail, or try and succeed.

The waiting is the worst part - right now January seems like an absolute eternity away.  Have I mentioned that I am regretting this India trip??

I'm going to start visiting animal shelters.  I was planning on waiting until the spring to adopt a dog because of all of the travel we have going on, but screw it.  I'm sick of waiting for things and planning around a pregnancy that never happens.  I think a dog will be great for me, and (hopefully) if we rescue a dog from a shelter I'll be good for it.  I think I'm going to check out some dog adoption books and read up!


  1. I say go for it! Dogs are such wonderful creatures that give you alot of love unconditionally. Especially since you have alot of downtime in your house right now. I don't know what I would have done without my golden retriever the last couple years! Thanks for letting me know the model- I will try to track it down on amazon.

  2. DO IT - dogs are the BEST!! I can't imagine life without my two! As far as hope - it's tough - I struggle every day to stay positive and have had many, many days where I just can't believe it is ever going to work for us. Hang in there!

  3. Just found your blog from Mo's- I'm in NYC too and planning my next TTC attempt around Jan- best of luck!

    Go for the adoption, pets are the BEST! I'd love to get a dog but its just not in the cards for me now. I ended up with a cat I adopted from the ASPCA. Surprisingly, a few positive things have emerged from my pregnancy losses- ending up with my cat, who seemed in a pretty unhappy state when I got her, but is this thriving, happy animal now, has been the most positive of them all.

  4. Good luck at your ODWU tomorrow. Can't wait to hear how it goes!

  5. Hey Newbie - can't believe we are just down the road from each other. We are headed out tomorrow morning. Hope you get a good night's sleep and a great workup tomorrow!

  6. hope you had a great ODWU. look forward to hearing about it.

    as for pets, we love our boxer, couldn't imagine going through life without her. go for the adoption!!

    and thanks for your recent comments on my blog - much appreciated.